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CHAPTER
II
OF
CREATING CONFIDENCE IN THE GIRL
FOR the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband
should sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and
eat their food without seasoning it either with alkali or salt.
For the next seven days they should bathe amidst tire sounds of
auspicious musical instruments, should decorate themselves, dine
together, and pay attention to their relations as well as to those
who may have come to witness their marriage. This is applicable
to persons of all castes. On the night of the tenth day the man
should begin in a lonely place with soft words, and thus create
confidence in the girl. Some authors say that for the purpose
of winning her over he should not speak to her for three days,
but the followers of Babhravya are of opinion that if the man
does not speak with her for three days, the girl may be discouraged
by seeing him spiritless like a pillar, and, becoming dejected,
she may begin to despise him as a eunuch. Vatsyayana says that
the man should begin to win her over, and to create confidence
in her, but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women,
being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings, and when they
are forcibly approached by men with whom they are but slightly
acquainted, they sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual connection,
and sometimes even haters of the male sex. The man should therefore
approach the girl according to her liking, and should make use
of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself
more and more into her confidence. These devices are as follows:
He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most,
because it does not last for a long time.
He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because
that is easier and simpler. If the girl is grown up, or if the
man has known her for some time, he may embrace her by the light
of a lamp, but if he is not well acquainted with her, or if
she is a young girl, he should then embrace her in darkness.
When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a tambula
or screw of betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if
she will not take it, he should induce her to do so by conciliatory
words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for it is
a universal rule that however bashful or angry a woman may be
she never disregards a man's kneeling at her feet. At the time
of giving this tambula he should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully
without making any sound. When she is gained over in this respect
he should then make her talk, and so that she may be induced
to talk he should ask her questions about things of which he
knows or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered
in a few words. If she does not speak to him, he should not
frighten her, but should ask her the same thing again and again
in a conciliatory manner. If she does not then speak he should
urge her to give a reply because, as Ghotakamukha says, `all
girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves
sometimes say a single word'. When she is thus importuned, the
girl should give replies by shakes of the head, but if she has
quarrelled with the man she should not even do that. When she
is asked by the man whether she wishes for him, and whether
she likes him, she should remain silent for a long time, and
when at last importuned to reply, should give him a favourable
answer by a nod of her head. If the man is previously acquainted
with the girl he should converse with her by means of a female
friend, who may be favourable to him, and in the confidence
of both, and carry on the conversation on both sides. On such
an occasion the girl should smile with her head bent down, and
if the female friend say more on her part than she was desired
to do, she should chide her and dispute with her. The female
friend should say in jest even what she is not desired to say
by the girl, and add, `she says so', on which the girl should
say indistinctly and prettily, `O no! I did not say so', and
she should then smile and throw an occasional glance towards
the man.
If the girl is familiar with the man, she should place near
him, without saying anything, the tambula, the ointment, or
the garland that he may have asked for, or she may tie them
up in his upper garment. While she is engaged in this, the man
should touch her young breasts in the sounding way of pressing
with the nails, and if she prevents him doing this he should
say to her, ` I will not do it again if you will embrace me',
and should in this way cause her to embrace him. While he is
being embraced by her he should pass his hand repeatedly over
and about her body. By and by he should place her in his lap,
and try more and more to gain her consent, and if she will not
yield to him he should frighten her by saying `I shall impress
marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts, and then
make similar marks on my own body, and shall tell my friends
that you did them. What will you say then?' In this and other
ways, as fear and confidence are created in the minds of children,
so should the man gain her over to his wishes.
On the second and third nights, after her confidence has increased
still more, he should feel the whole of her body with his hands,
and kiss her all over; he should also place his hands upon her
thighs and shampoo them, and if he succeed in this he should
then shampoo the joints of her thighs. If she tries to prevent
him doing this he should say to her, `What harm is there in
doing it?' and should persuade her to let him do it. After gaining
this point he should touch her private parts, should loosen
her girdle and the knot of her dress, and turning up her lower
garment should shampoo the joints of her naked thighs. Under
various pretences he should do all these things, but he should
not at that time begin actual congress. After this he should
teach her the sixty-four arts, should tell her how much he loves
her, and describe to her the hopes which he formerly entertained
regarding her. He should also promise to be faithful to her
in future, and should dispel all her fears with respect to rival
women, and, at last, after having overcome her bashfulness,
he should begin to enjoy her in a way so as not to frighten
her. So much about creating confidence in the girl; and there
are, moreover, some verses on the subject as follows:
`A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl should
try to gain her over so that she may love him and place her
confidence in him. A man does not succeed either by implicitly
following the inclination of a girl, or by wholly opposing her,
and he should therefore adopt a middle course. He who knows
how to make himself beloved by women, as well as to increase
their honour and create confidence in them, this man becomes
an object of their love. But he who neglects a girl, thinking
she is too bashful, is despised by her as a beast ignorant of
the working of the female mind. Moreover, a girl forcibly enjoyed
by one who does not understand the hearts of girls becomes nervous,
uneasy, and dejected, and suddenly begins to hate the man who
has taken advantage of her; and then, when her love is not understood
or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes either
a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she has
recourse to other men.'1
Footnotes
- 1
- These last few lines have been exemplified
in many ways in many novels of this century.
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