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CHAPTER
II
ON
THE CONDUCT OF THE ELDER WIFE TOWARDS THE OTHER WIVES
OF HER HUSBAND, AND ON THAT OF A YOUNGER WIFE TOWARDS
THE ELDER ONES. ALSO ON THE CONDUCT OF A VIRGIN WIDOW
RE-MARRIED; OF A WIFE DISLIKED BY HER HUSBAND; OF THE
WOMEN IN THE KING'S HAREM; AND LASTLY ON THE CONDUCT OF
A HUSBAND TOWARDS MANY WIVES
THE causes of re-marrying during the lifetime of the wife
are as follows:
- The
folly or ill-temper of the wife
- Her
husband's dislike to her
- The
want of offspring
- The
continual birth of daughters
- The
incontinence of the husband
From the very beginning, a wife should endeavour to attract
the heart of her husband, by showing to him continually her
devotion, her good temper, and her wisdom. If however she
bears him no children, she should herself toilette her husband
to marry another woman. And when the second wife is married,
and brought to the house, the first wife should give her a
position superior to her own, and look upon her as a sister.
In the morning the elder wife should forcibly make the younger
one decorate herself in the presence of their husband, and
should not mind all the husband's favour being given to her.
If the younger wife does anything to displease her husband
the elder one should not neglect her, but should always be
ready to give her most careful advice, and should teach her
to do various things in the presence of her husband. Her children
she should treat as her own, her attendants she should look
upon with more regard, even than on her own servants, her
friends she should cherish with love and kindness, and her
relations with great honour.
When there are many other wives besides herself, the elder
wife should associate with the one who is immediately next
to her in rank and age, and should instigate the wife who
has recently enjoyed her husband's favour to quarrel with
the present favourite. After this she should sympathize
with the former, and having collected all the other wives
together, should get them to denounce the favourite as a
scheming and wicked woman, without however committing herself
in any way. If the favourite wife happens to quarrel with
the husband, then the elder wife should take her part and
give her false encouragement, and thus cause the quarrel
to be increased. If there be only a little quarrel between
the two, the elder wife should do all she can to work it
up into a large quarrel. But if after all this she finds
the husband still continues to love his favourite wife she
should then change her tactics, and endeavour to bring about
a conciliation between them, so as to avoid her husband's
displeasure.
Thus ends the conduct of the elder wife.
The younger wife should regard the elder wife of her husband
as her mother, and should not give anything away, even to
her own relations, without her knowledge. She should tell
her everything about herself, and not approach her husband
without her permission. Whatever is told to her by the elder
wife she should not reveal to others, and she should take
care of the children of the senior even more than of her
own. When alone with her husband she should serve him well,
but should not tell him of the pain she suffers from the
existence of a rival wife. She may also obtain secretly
from her husband some marks of his particular regard for
her, and may tell him that she lives only for him, and for
the regard that he has for her. She should never reveal
her love for her husband, nor her husband's love for her
to any person, either in pride or in anger, for a wife that
reveals the secrets of her husband is despised by him. As
for seeking to obtain the regard of her husband, Gonardiya
says, that it should always be done in private, for fear
of the elder wife. If the elder wife be disliked by her
husband, or be childless, she should sympathize with her,
and should ask her husband to do the same, but should surpass
her in leading the life of a chaste woman.
Thus ends the conduct of the younger wife towards the elder.
A widow in poor circumstances, or of a weak nature, and
who allies herself again to a man, is called a widow remarried.
The followers of Babhravya say that a virgin widow should
not marry a person whom she may be obliged to leave on account
of his bad character, or of his being destitute of the excellent
qualities of a man, she thus being obliged to have recourse
to another person. Gonardiya is of opinion that as the cause
of a widow's marrying again is her desire for happiness,
and as happiness is secured by the possession of excellent
qualities in her husband, joined to love of enjoyment, it
is better therefore to secure a person endowed with such
qualities in the first instance. Vatsyayana however thinks
that a widow may marry any person that she likes, and that
she thinks win suit her.
At the time of her marriage the widow should obtain from
her husband the money to pay the cost of drinking parties,
and picnics with her relations, and of giving them and her
friends kindly gifts and presents; or she may do these things
at her own cost if she likes. In the same way she may wear
either her husband's ornaments or her own. As to the presents
of affection mutually exchanged between the husband and
herself there is no fixed rule about them. If she leaves
her husband after marriage of her own accord, she should
restore to him whatever he may have given her, with the
exception of the mutual presents. If however she is driven
out of the house by her husband she should not return anything
to him.
After her marriage she should live in the house of her husband
like one of the chief members of the family, but should
treat the other ladies of the family with kindness, the
servants with generosity, and all the friends of the house
with familiarity and good temper. She should show that she
is better acquainted with the sixty-four arts than the other
ladies of the house, and in any quarrels with her husband
she should not rebuke him severely but in private do everything
that he wishes, and make use of the sixty-four ways of enjoyment.
She should be obliging to the other wives of her husband,
and to their children she should give presents, behave as
their mistress, and make ornaments and playthings for their
use. In the friends and servants of her husband she should
confide more than in his other wives, and finally she should
have a liking for drinking parties, going to picnics, attending
fairs and festivals, and for carrying out all kinds of games
and amusements.
Thus ends the conduct of a virgin widow remarried.
A woman who is disliked by her husband, and annoyed and
distressed by his other wives, should associate with the
wife who is liked most by her husband, and who serves him
more than the others, and should teach her all the arts
with which she is acquainted. She should act as the nurse
to her husband's children, and having gained over his friends
to her side, should through them make him acquainted of
her devotion to him. In religious ceremonies she should
be a leader, as also in vows and fasts, and should not hold
too good an opinion of herself. When her husband is lying
on his bed she should only go near him when it is agreeable
to him, and should never rebuke him, or show obstinacy in
any way. If her husband happens to quarrel with any of his
other wives, she should reconcile them to each other, and
if he desires to see any woman secretly, she should manage
to bring about the meeting between them. She should moreover
make herself acquainted with the weak points of her husband's
character, but always keep them secret, and on the whole
behave herself in such a way as may lead him to look upon
her as a good and devoted wife.
Here ends the conduct of a wife disliked by her husband.
The above sections will show how all the women of the king's
seraglio are to behave, and therefore we shall now speak
separately only about the king.
The female attendants in the harem (called severally Kanchukiyas,1
Mahallarikas,2 and Mahallikas3)
should bring flowers, ointments and clothes from the king's
wives to the king, and he having received these things should
give them as presents to the servants, along with the things
worn by him the previous day. In the afternoon the king,
having dressed and put on his ornaments, should interview
the women of the harem, who should also be dressed and decorated
with jewels. Then having given to each of them such a place
and such respect as may suit the occasion and as they may
deserve, he should carry on with them a cheerful conversation.
After that he should see such of his wives as may be virgin
widows remarried, and after them the concubines and dancing
girls. All of these should be visited in their own private
rooms.
When the king rises from his noonday sleep, the woman whose
duty it is to inform the king regarding the wife who is
to spend the night with him should come to him accompanied
by the female attendants of that wife whose turn may have
arrived in the regular course, and of her who may have been
accidentally passed over as her turn arrived, and of her
who may have been unwell at the time of her turn. These
attendants should place before the king the ointments and
unguents sent by each of these wives, marked with the seal
of her ring, and their names and their reasons for sending
the ointments should be told to the king. After this the
king accepts the ointment of one of them, who then is informed
that her ointment has been accepted, and that her day has
been settled.4
At festivals, singing parties and exhibitions, all the wives
of the king should be treated with respect and served with
drinks.
But the women of the harem should not be allowed to go out
alone, neither should any women outside the harem be allowed
to enter it except those whose character is well known.
And lastly the work which the king's wives have to do should
not be too fatiguing.
Thus ends the conduct of the king towards the women of the
harem, and of their own conduct.
A man marrying many wives should act fairly towards them
all. He should neither disregard nor pass over their faults,
and should not reveal to one wife the love, passion, bodily
blemishes and confidential reproaches of the other. No opportunity
should be given to any one of them of speaking to him about
their rivals, and if one of them should begin to speak ill
of another, he should chide her and tell her that she has
exactly the same blemishes in her character. One of them
he should please by secret confidence, another by secret
respect, and another by secret flattery, and he should please
them all by going to gardens, by amusements, by presents,
by honouring their relations, by telling them secrets, and
lastly by loving unions. A young woman who is of a good
temper, and who conducts herself according to the precepts
of the Holy Writ, wins her husband's attachments, and obtains
a superiority over her rivals.
Thus ends the conduct of a husband towards many wives.
Footnotes
- 1
- A name given to the maid servants of
the zenana of the kings in ancient times, on account of
their always keeping their breasts covered with a cloth
called Kanchuki. It was customary in the olden time for
the maid servants to cover their breasts with a cloth,
while the queens kept their breasts uncovered. This custom
is distinctly to be seen in the Ajunta cave paintings.
- 2
- The meaning of this word is a superior
woman, so it would seem that a Mahallarika must be a person
in authority over the maid servants of the house.
- 3
- This was also appertaining to the rank
of women employed in the harem. In latter times this place
was given to eunuchs.
- 4
- As kings generally had many wives, it
was usual for them to enjoy their wives by turns. But
as it happened sometimes that some of them lost their
turns owing to the king's absence, or to their being unwell,
then in such cases the women whose turns had been passed
over, and those whose turns had come, used to have a sort
of lottery, and the ointments of all the claimants were
sent to the king, who accepted the ointment of one of
them, and thus settled the question.
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